So, it's sad this doesn't suit you now

I feel like bomb-diving into a pool,

just so I can hear that splashing sound -

as a kid so familiar but now so far from everything.

Underwater I felt so content & 

it blocked out all the surrounding noise.

That would be nice.

To swim for hours upon hours.

I don't really know where I am going with this.

I  don't have a pool these days

so instead I drown myself in music.

If I allow myself I can find that it

blocks out every other noise - 

sure takes a hell of a lot of concentration.

Well the good news is that 

I scored my week off in April

& a few other important days.

So there's something I'll work towards.

A break. A rest. A chance to pick up my pieces.

Lately I keep dropping everything.

I've tried to gather most things yet

I still seem to forget a few.

Everyone needs time to sort themselves out.

Ideally I'd like a paid year off please.

I can dream.

*shrugs*

I've gone & put on the one song

that I probably shouldn't have.

For someone in the middle of

feeling okay & not so great

this is slanting to one end in particular.

Damn the effects of a 'perfect' song.

Tomorrow is another day

x

No one's very real today

I am sooking hardcore right now.

Why? There's no real reason.

I just sook in the evenings - I like to think

that it's in an 'utterly adorable' way rather

than 'fucking annoying'.

A very big part of me just wants some time off.

I put in for some holidays in April & May.

I hope I get them, it's so nice to get away.

Even if I don't go anywhere it's still nice to

not go to work.

That's my life. Working. 

Then when I'm not working there's

really not much else I'd rather be doing.

I relax & I love it, I could be accused of

relaxing too much but I feel that if you work full-time

then you've surely earned time off to rest.

I don't have much to say.

It's almost bed time & I don't feel

like I have spent near enough time w/ my gf today.

Sigh

x

Can't you see that wall you built for me?

So today is Monday & being NOT @ work is brilliant.

I think that they should really just extend the weekend.

Throw Monday in there - nobody likes to work 5 days a week.

I know I can't stand it. Yet somehow I manage to *shrugs*

I'm looking very forward to my 'Directions' (Death Cab For Cutie) DVD.

Apparently they got 11 prospective filmmakers to produce fitting movies

for some of their songs. According to one of the reviews I read - 

I'll be sure to find them pretty captivating & it gives a whole new

perspective of 'hearing' the songs. I thought it sounded great anyway.

I'm hoping I can keep up with my usual blogs. 

I have a livejournal & I update pretty rarely - even though that

documents say the past 5 years of my life? 

That's been my longest 'journal' r'ship to date.

Other than that I blogged monthly on my Myspace.

I spent the morning saving those entries. 

Some I had completely forgotten that I'd written.

I need that part of my life back.

The one where I write & there is no worrying

about what I say or who reads it.

I can ramble on about things. I do get into moods & 

I will swear from time to time.

That's a journal is it not, a raw insight to a person.

In life as you get older, there is no actual sugar coating,

there are liars & lies thrown around.

Lies don't belong in my journal.

I will say it as I see fit.

I guess this is a disclaimer of sorts.

Oh how I dread work this week.

The last of my early shifts & then I'll be like most other people.

On the fucking train, oh how I detest public transport.

I do - it's what motivated me to get my drivers licence,

ever since that lady fell asleep on me. Eek.

Now I won't have the comfort of 'my own space' instead

I will share my space with strangers & I'll flood the noise out

the only way I know how - with my iPod's volume up way too loud.

Sigh.

I am desperate for some kind of change, any change.

Just not one that means public transport.

x

I took my last sip of water

A new outlet with so many possibilities.

First, I have to come up with something to write about.

Still searching for that change in my life.

I'm sure it will show when I least expect it.

That's how things happen usually?

Music is everything right now.

x